Drop anchor and discover Pirate Brands™, a collection of deliciously baked treasures made with real, tasty ingredients that are easy to pronounce and even easier to enjoy!
We keep the ingredients simple so you can be sure the only thing we add is fun!
Harrr Harrr Harrr
Ye know arrr Pirate loves a good cheesy joke. We thought you might, too!
What's Captain Hook’s favorite type of store?
I can’t be sure... But I always spy him shopping second hands! Harrr harrr!
Did ye ever hear that joke about the one-eared pirate?
Neither has he! Harrr harrr!
Do ye know why it took me so long to learn the alphabet?
I was stuck at C for years! Harrr harrr harrr!
Do ye know what it’s called when the water and the sand meet?
You shore? Harrr harrr!
How can ye tell yerrr at a pirate’s birthday party?
Tharrr be equal amounts of balloons and doubloons! Harrr harrr!
How did the parrot get stuck to the pirate’s shoulder?
He used too much Polly-grip! Harrr harrr!
How did the pirate catch a gummy fish?
He used a gummy worm!
How did the pirate get from one ship to another?
He called a taxi crab!
How did the pirate temporarily blind himself?
He put his patch over the wrong eye! Harrr harrr!
How did the pirate with no nose smell?
How do aquariums smell?
How do ye make a pirate ship float?
Add two scoops of pirate ship to a glass of root beer!
How do you make a pirate irate?
Just erase the "p!" Harrr harrr!
How does the pirate with two hooks scratch his eye?
How many letters are in the pirate alphabet?
32. It’s like English but with 7 Cs!
How much does a hook and a peg cost?
About an arm and a leg! Harrr harrr!
There’s one side of me ship that I always try to avoid…
The out-side! Harrr harrr!
What be orange and sound exactly like a parrot?
A carrot! Harrr harrr!
What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing. It just waved!
What did the pirate’s parent find on his report card?
What do most pirates say when they dig up treasure in a hurry?
"I’ve got to get me booty out of here!" Harrr harrr!
What do most pirates spend their lives searching for even though it be right behind them?
Their booty! Harrr harrr!
What do pirate dogs say?
Not much, actually, but they barrrk a lot! Harrr harrr!
What do pirates call the loves of their lives?
What do ye call a pirate with glasses?
What do ye call a young seadog?
What do ye call it when oysters won’t share their pearls?
What do ye get when ye cross a pirate with a zucchini?
What do ye get when ye cross a pirate and a librarian?
What do you call a pirate with an eyepatch and a monocle?
TWO eyes! Harrr harrr!
What do you call a pirate with two hands, two legs and two eyes?
A beginner! Harrr harrr!
What does the optimistic pirate call having one eye?
His permanent wink!
What happens to a white rock when ye throw it into the Black Sea?
It sinks! Harrr harrr!
What has eight eyes, eight hands and eight legs?
Eight seasoned pirates! Harrr harrr!
What kind of look does a pirate give before walking off a ship?
A PLANK stare! Harrr harrr!
What side of their ships do pirates avoid?
What type of ship lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck!
What’s a pirate mobster’s favorite phrase?
FRIGATE about it! Harrr harrr!
What’s a pirate ship’s least favorite vegetable?
What’s a treasure that doesn’t enjoy being buried?
Yarrr best friend!
What’s the best part of living on a pirate ship?
When is the best time to buy a ship?
When it’s on sail! Harrr harrr!
When is the only time pirates like to go overboard?
When they be shopping for presents! Harrr harrr!
Where can ye always find the pirate who lost his wooden legs?
Wherever ye left him! Harrr harrr!
Where do sharks enjoy vacationing?
Where does the blind pirate keep all his belongings?
In the dark! Harrr harrr!
Which pirate always holds his friend’s jackets?
Captain Coat Hook!
Why are pirate knock-knock jokes so rare?
Because their hooks get stuck in the door!
Why did the pirate bury his treasure one foot underground?
Because booty is shin deep!
Why did the pirate decide against an anchor tattoo?
He didn’t want it to weigh him down!
Why did the pirate get stuck holding his friend’s jacket?
Because he accidentally bought a coat hook! Harr harr!
When ye think about it, the letter P looks like an R that lost a leg…
When a pirate has glasses, they receive an honorary title:
PIIIIRATE. Harrr harrr!
What do you call a pirate with a small boat inside his head?
Ship for brains! Harrr harrr!
Wooden pegs and hooks be very expensive.
Most say they cost an arm and a leg!
Ye can always tell when a one-legged pirate’s cold.
Even their timbers shiver! Harrr harrr!
Ye can always tell when it be warmin’ up outside.
Pirates stop saying “brrr” and start saying “arrr”! Harrr harrr!
Ye think of boats as houses that float…
and I think of houses as ships that have run aground. Harrr harrr!
Ye’d be surprised how rarely sails are actually on sale.
Don’t ever take long trips with pirates.
They won’t stop asking, “Arrr, we there yet?”
Oysters hardly ever share their pearls with us pirates… or anyone for that matter.
Very shellfish behavior!
I like to imagine that all me lost television remotes are out there, somewhere, on a remote island.
Pros and cons of having a peg leg. Pro: No more stubbing those toes.
Con: Beavers become yarrr sworn enemies.
Do seadogs say “arrrf?”
“Whatever floats your boat…”
Ummm, are ye talkin’ about water, matey?
They be called spyglasses…
but I’ve never seen any spies drinking out of them.
Friends be treasures that aren’t silver or gold…
They also be treasures that don’t enjoy being buried.
Life on a pirate ship means a lot of hard work.
At least there isn’t any yardwork!
Me friend Bluebeard took a tumble on his ship’s deck.
Now I be callin’ him black ‘n Bluebeard.
Are young seadogs called seapuppies?
If pirates boat to work together, is it still called carpooling?
How do Bostonian pirates pronounce “arrr?”
“Pirates” and “parrots” sound a lot alike…
I wonder if that’s how they first became friends.
Do pirates call the dot over a lowercase “i” an i-patch?
I bet they call it the “poop deck” because of all those pirate pets that have no backyard to use when nature calls…
Do one-legged pirates have dressier peg legs they wear on special occasions?
Despite the name, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a pirate in ARRRgyle…
They say one man’s trash is another man’s treasure…
but ye never hear of trash maps, do ye?
Did ye hear about the parrot that fell in love with a duck?
It kept saying, “Polly wants a quacker!”
“How did you lose your eye?”
Oh, I never lost it. It just doesn’t work anymore!
Have ye seen Bluebeard lately?
They say he hasn’t looked the same since he fell in the Red Sea and got marooned! Harrr harrr!
I always chuckle when me pirate DVDs have anti-piracy warnings…
I always say me jokes may not be worth their weight in gold…
but they be worth their weight in goldfish! Harrr harrr!
I have an idea for a movie about pirate captains who sail as fast as they can. I call it…
Avast and the Furious! Harrr harrr!
I miss the good ol’ days when piercings only cost a buck-an-ear…
I saw three ships come sailing in on Christmas Day.
Those crews better be gettin’ time-and-a-half! Harrr harrr!
I’ve seen me fair share of jellyfish but, for some reason, I’ve never seen any peanutbutterfish!
If I’m not on the news but I own several anchors...
can I still be considered an anchorman?
If we have a mutual friend, would you say he’s “ARRR matey?”
If ye ever need to get from one ship to another and ye don't have a lifeboat.
Just call a taxi crab!
It be hard playing cards with pirates.
They always be standing on the deck! Harrr harrr!
Jolly Roger must’ve been the happiest pirate there ever was…
Even as a skeleton, he be all smiles! Harrr harrr!
I could’ve sworn I bought more the last time I went to TARRRget…
Me and me pirate friends be old-fashioned.
No texting. We speak eye to eye!
Me favorite songs be sea shanties…
but that doesn’t stop me from having a soft spot for ARRR and B!
Me working eye be perfect…
Does that mean I have 20/20 vision or just 20 vision?
Most pirates be pretty average students.
In just about every subject, they get high Cs!
Most pirates love pop culture.
It’s in their best interest to keep up with CURRENT events!
Pirates are actually very smart shoppers.
They only buy sale boats!
Pirates don't just have soulmates...
They have soulmateys!
Pirates really love the holiday season.
In fact, we call it the most plunderful time of the year!
Pirating sure is hard to quit.
Once ye lose yARRR first hand, ye get hooked!
Said hello to me old friend the ocean today.
Didn’t say anything back. Just waved.
Sharks always be vacationin’.
By far, their favorite destination has to be FIN-land!
Some folks get queasy as they start reciting the alphabet.
Those poor souls suffer from C-sickness!
Some things don't change for us pirates during the summer vacation.
Even without classes to skip, we still play hooky!
Some days, I make the shape of a hook with me index finger and keep it that way...
just to see what it'd be like.
The best part about house boats: the sea is yARRR backyard.
And yARRR frontyard.
The pirate with two hooks fears nothing…
except getting something in his eyes.
Us pirates love Christmas movies!
Our favorite has to be It’s a Plunderful Life!
There be but ONE sign that can scare off peg-legged pirates:
Beware of Beavers!
To err is human… to ARRR is pirate!
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